Banknotes Industries Baseball Primer!

Baseball 101

Typical reasons for bunting:

1) to move a baserunner to the next base

2) to score a baserunner from third base

3) to reach first base safely and thereby become a baserunner, you silly goose

Atypical reasons for bunting:

1) to overthrow the dictator of a neighboring country in a coup so utterly bloodless that some will question the nonaggressive strategy, especially if it fails in its intended objective of creating a sovereign nation in which the workers wield political authority in an anarcho-syndicalist system

2) to apply paint to a large-scale canvas in a manner less violent than that of Jackson Pollock, thereby de-emphasizing the hypermasculine recklessness of traditional action painting while fortifying the implicit relationship between the artist and the magnetic fields of a maternal Gaia

3) to whisk eggs into a froth suitable for French toast

This has been a Banknotes Industries Baseball Primer, and these have been typical and atypical reasons for bunting.

Introducing: Banknotes Industries Baseball Primer!

Baseball 101

Typical conversations between a first-base coach and a runner at first base:

1) “We’ve got two outs.”

“Okay, Coach.”

2) “We’ve got one out.”

“Okay, Coach.”

3) “There’s nobody out. And, just as a reminder, you are on first base.”

“Right.”

Atypical conversations between a first-base coach and a runner at first base:

1) “I have rabies.”

“You should treat that with leeches, Coach.”

2) “The capital of the Byzantine Empire was A) Constantinople or B) Bethlehem?”

“C) suburban Phoenix, Coach.”

3) “Trace amounts of cadmium are pretty small.”

“I have a Moon Pie in my jockstrap, Coach.”

This has been the inaugural Banknotes Industries Baseball Primer, and these have been typical and atypical conversations between a first-base coach and a runner at first base.