Let’s All Praise My New Starting Lineup® Stadium Stars® 1995 Limited Edition Greg Maddux/Atlanta-Fulton County Stadium Figurine

File under: That which contains multitudes.

File under: That which contains multitudes.

Pictured above is a Starting Lineup® Stadium Stars® 1995 Limited Edition Greg Maddux/Atlanta-Fulton County Stadium figurine. It was acquired last year (along with the very authentic and very satin Atlanta Braves Starter jacket atop which it is presented) by my wife, and graciously given to me because my birthday happened and my wife rules.

Because I am – and will remain so for a good while – between the ages of 4 and 104, the Starting Lineup® Stadium Stars® 1995 Limited Edition Greg Maddux/Atlanta-Fulton County Stadium figurine is an appropriate gift. Because I am (a) a Braves fan, (b) a Greg Maddux fan, and (c) a fan of miniaturized models of Hall of Fame pitchers straddling the roofs of multi-purpose stadiums, it is the perfect gift.

The Starting Lineup® Stadium Stars® 1995 Limited Edition Greg Maddux/Atlanta-Fulton County Stadium figurine is the world’s most important moment memorialized. It is a visual and eternal ode to XXXXXL-sized gloves. It is a Beatles concert in 1965, wherein Paul McCartney’s head bobs in and out of the impressive shadow cast by the monolithic Maddux’ megalithic groin. It is the exact moment in the spring of 1974 when Hank Aaron’s 715th home run cleared the wall cardinally south of Giant Greg’s left thigh. In the box, the subject is never a Cub or a Dodger or a Padre, and his foundation is never a parking lot.

Most importantly, it is now my favorite piece of personally-possessed Maddux memorabilia. All apologies, of course, to the “Mad Dog #31″ tattoo that festoons my butt.