A Brief Catalogue of Things Thrown by Toronto Fans

ThrowBeerHereAs you know, last week, the Toronto Blue Jays’ Wild Card Game victory over the Baltimore Orioles was punctuated by a home fan hurling a can of beer at Orioles’ outfielder Hyun Soo Kim, recalling for many a similar incident in last year’s playoffs, in which likeminded characters threw garbage and other items onto the field in a heated moment, culminating in a baby in attendance being doused with beer.  The baby was then itself tossed onto the field, because as it turns out, they may not, per Harold Reynolds, be able to catch, but Blue Jays fans are only too thrilled to throw objects at baseball games.

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From the Department of If-You-Can’t-Beat-‘Em

List

Whilst sharing cold beer and spirited conversation with an editor of a baseball website last weekend, I learned that baseball-website readers are absolutely in love — like nerdy-head-over-sedentary-heels in love — with lists. As an inveterate producer of purple prose that aspires to both the greatness of the ages and an audience sans limits on its capacity for praise, I found this news not the least bit unsettling. What follows is a list of the ways I felt.

1. Sad
2. Angry
3. Out of beer
4. Grateful for more beer
5. Sad again
5. More angry than before
6. A little less angry but just as sad
7. Hopeless
8. Despairing
9. Pretty upset
10. In need of creating a list