Though the frost of whorish winter still paints your nose red, yet spring is nigh, and if you’re a dedicated follower of popular engagement, that means you are ready to remain in-a-doors, shivering in dread of offending your allergies, and cracking your knuckles with delicate demonstration in preparedness for the fantasy season to come.
Projected selections of Banknotes Industries in the 2015 Blogger Draft:
Round 1: William Shakespeare – Pro: good communicator. Con: dead.
Round 2: Jessica Alba – Pro: pretty hot. Con: not a blogger.
Round 3: Ellen DeGeneres – Pro: pretty funny. Con: demands eight-figure salary, many shoes.
Round 4: Mrs. Hoover – Pro: good English teacher, grammarian. Con: excess symbolism, Marner.
Round 5: Christopher Russo – Pro: high-profile baseball figure. Con: will be punched, kicked.
Round 6: Mitch Williams – Pro: high-profile baseball figure. Con: will be punching, kicking.
Round 7: Sasquatch – Pro: legendary cryptid. Con: will track in mud, leaves.